People-watching in Austin

This week I’ve spent quite a bit of time people-watching, my favorite pastime. People-watching in Austin is its own separate category, and I love it.

  1. Plumbers cracks abound! This week I saw not one, but TWO full plumber’s cracks where the person wasn’t wearing underwear. The first was at a middle school football game, and it was so upsetting I had to move away from it because it’s more than likely the parent of one of my kid’s friends. It’s forever burned into my memory and that is very upsetting. The second was at a coffee shop this morning, and while it was also completely bare, it was also completely covered in tattoos. It’s as if he wanted us to look! I’m curious: how do you not notice air hitting your bare bum? Just how comfortable are those skinny jeans without underpants? It all makes me feel a million years old.
  2. Clueless bicyclists. I completely understand how dangerous it is for cyclists who follow the rules and wear helmets, but there appear to be just as many cyclists who ignore the rules completely, and it scares me to death. My friend Amy texted me a few weeks ago about a guy riding his bike: “Bicyclist on 24th. No helmet. Middle of lane weaving back and forth like a drunkard. Why? Because he’s reading on his phone while riding his bike!” As funny as the description is, this is more and more common, and it’s so dangerous for everyone involved. This morning I saw a helmet-less guy on his phone weave within inches of hitting a city bus, and when he looked up, he banged on the side of the bus and flipped it off because of course that was the bus driver’s fault?
  3. Grocery store pervs. When I’m low on self-esteem, all I have to do is head over to my neighborhood HEB, where I’m friends with several people who work there. I’m on a real-life hugging basis with the woman who used to work the coffee station but now works the deli area, a man in the produce department, and one of the cleaning guys. That’s because I’ve had conversations with and known these people for years and years. However, I do not welcome physical contact from random strangers in the produce section. How many times do we have to describe consent to you, guys? I was innocently picking out large avocados this week when an old creeper came up, put his hand on my arm, and said, “Are you in a hurry?” I said, “I am. I’m in a hurry to get the hell out of here.” I scurried off before I had a chance to get the perfect avocado and before he had a chance to ask me out or try to convert me to Jehovah’s Witnesses. avocados
  4. Austin bumper stickers. I have this thing where I think that more than two bumper stickers on one’s car makes them a crazy person. I know it’s judgmental but it’s just my thing. That said, I love reading people’s bumper stickers, like the person the other day who had one that said, “I’m voting for the sane one.” They left no other clues to determine which candidate they think is sane, and that made me laugh even harder. (It IS Austin, however, so we can make some assumptions.) The other day after picking up my daughter from school, a car in front of us had several stickers, including one that said, “Mensa International.” I mean, if you have to reveal to everyone that you’re a member of Mensa International, your other friends must feel pretty stupid around you. My daughter asked what it meant, which clearly indicates we’re not in the running at our house. After the car pulled up a little, another sticker revealed that they are also vegan. It kind of doesn’t get more Austin than that, unless, of course, you add a PETA sticker, a few 26.2s, and the driver pulls out of the car and bends down to reveal a half-exposed bare backside of tattoos.

Any people-watching stories for me? Share in the comments! Also, if you haven’t subscribed to this new blog format yet, please do! Thanks much and have a great weekend!

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