Six Years Late to the GOT Party

It’s hard to imagine it now, but at one point, I refused to join Facebook.

“It seems like a time suck,” I’d say. “I don’t get it.”

Despite my cynicism, I began learning a lot of breaking news by other people referencing Facebook posts. Someone got engaged. Somebody graduated. Soon enough, though I didn’t have a Facebook profile of my own, I was participating second hand, and for those of you who also do this, you know that’s a strange place to be. It’s like my stepfather  James who refuses to use a computer but taps my mom on the shoulder and says, “Can you print this article for me?” It’s the equivalent of what we referred to in the magazine world as the “pass along” rate. You’re not paying for the magazine, but you’re benefitting from reading it. It’s not an altogether bad plan.

Still, my good friend Candace quickly got enough of my refusal to join Facebook.

“You’re the person who’s standing against the wall, at the party, complaining about it. Either get off the wall and join the party, or quit complaining!”

This is one of the many reasons why I love Candace. She smacked me around enough for me to break down and sign up, and 4,725 posts later, I haven’t looked back. I love being able to have virtual conversations about my weird pet peeves. Connecting with so many cousins on all sides of my family has been priceless and I am certain without Facebook we wouldn’t be connected at all. Sneaking a peek at my old boyfriend Rat Boy’s profile and realizing he’s paunchy and gray and still a rat is weirdly rewarding. Granted, he probably likes sneaking a peek at my profile to realize I’m paunchy and gray as well, but guess what, Rat Boy? I have red lipstick, a dashing husband, and three terrific kids now. Up yours.

Facebook is a great place to engage in discussions about important matters like fighting racism, and terribly unimportant matters like cold shoulders. At times, the negativity of our messy politics being discussed on Facebook weighs me down, and I absolutely see the value in taking social media breaks. Still, I have no plans to leave a community that I truly enjoy. And as much as I love Instagram, I can’t leave Facebook because I love words! I need words!

In the exact same fashion I resisted Facebook, I’ve done the same thing with Game of Thrones. I’ve not ever been a fan of the “fantasy drama” genre. While Tim and I could binge watch House of Cards for hours on end, and I dabble in the occasional mindless reality show (my friend and his mom turned me on to Sweet Home Oklahoma and I can’t get enough!), I have a long list of fantasy/space-type series that I just can’t get into: Star Wars, Star Trek, anything featuring that terrible Danielle Radcliffe fellow, anything Hobbity or Lord of the Ringsy…you get my drift.

About two years ago, Tim and I were mourning the end of a season of House of Cards and since we both realize our relationship is much stronger when we have a show to watch together (yours is too, right?), we caved and started an episode of Game of Thrones.

We lasted a total of 4 minutes. When the first throbbing, decapitated head appeared on screen and I slapped my thigh raw while howling with laughter, I knew it wasn’t my jam. We forged on until a scene of a castle on a hill appeared, and I just couldn’t get Monty Python out of my head.

“Enough,” I said. “This just isn’t our genre.”

Last night, after a lovely dinner with a girlfriend, I came home relaxed and happy. I found Tim scrolling through AppleTV options.

“Should we give Game of Thrones another shot?” I asked. Evidently, it takes two Angry Orchard Crisp Apple Ciders for me to be warmed up enough to volunteer to watch decapitations.

So, at 9:00 last night, we gave Game of Thrones another shot. I forced myself to suffer through the opening scene a second time, and decided to focus on the storyline.

At 12:30am, we finally decided to turn off the tv and get some rest. Okay, you GOT people. I get it! I get it! I’m completely sucked in!

Since there are probably at least 14 people on the planet who aren’t watching GOT,  I do have a few comments about the first episode. I cannot believe I’m even saying this, but for the other 14 of you out there who haven’t jumped in, SPOILER ALERT! (Because, in case you haven’t noticed, these GOT people get mighty fired up about spoilers.)

Now that I’m catching up to the rest of you, I have a few observations:

1. Ned Stark (Tony, Ned? Who knows) is extremely sexy, right? He’s strong and burly and loyal and protecting his people and I’m completely digging him. However, I find my attraction to him incredibly disturbing to admit because he wears the exact same hairstyle I rocked in 7th grade. Could it be that he has a tortoise Goody hair barrette back there holding that style in place? Is he using Suave Maximum Hold Mousse? I could care less. I’m crushing hard over this guy.

2.  SO many boobs! Remember in the movie “Knocked Up” when Seth Rogan and his friends are conjuring up a website to show where the nude scenes pop up in movies? The first episode of GOT features so many bare breasts that afterwards, I asked Tim, “I wonder how many boobs we just saw?” And he replied back casually, “Single boobs or pairs?” I would guess there were 17 sets in the first episode, but I don’t need to guess, because some genius set up a site called Game of Thrones Boobcounter, Episodes 1-4. I love this person more than you can imagine.

3. Reconciling that ridiculous decor without a decent solution to heating the home isn’t working or me. I am having an extremely difficult time accepting that this ominous winter situation is happening where you know good and well that people are going to freeze to death inside their homes, yet the interior scenes are something out of Elle Home: Winterfell Edition, If you have enough resources to have this much ornate home decor, why can’t you properly heat your castle? Priorities!

4. Hold UP! Is the King of the Seven Kingdoms of Westeros the Full Monty Guy? Not that I want to see it – -I really don’t want to see it — but how come we see 13 pairs of bare boobs in the first episode but they never give us a good laugh by showing off the King’s full monty?

5. Hold UP AGAIN! Is Jaime Lanister played by Nikolaj Coster-Waldau or Alexander Skarsgård? Because until today, I didn’t know there was a difference. These guys remind me of each other almost as much as Lyle Lovett and Lance Armstrong.  They are equally good at playing smarmy, pathological guys. The good news is if Nikolaj Coster-Waldau falls ill with scurvy, Alexandar Skarsgård can pop in and take over, easy peasy. 

6. My least favorite character thus far is this Prince Joffrey kid. This just means he’s a good actor because I feel l like if I saw him in real life I’d grab him by the ear and give him the what for. But here’s why I don’t like him more than anything. He’s a male Nellie Oleson! Nobody liked Nellie Oleson. Nobody likes Prince Joffrey.

So far, these are my initial thoughts. We’re in it now, and there’s no turning back. The resistance was futile. I’m also super excited that I can now wear the shirt my friend gave me that features Anna Wintour’s picture and says, “Wintour is coming,” because now I finally get what that means.