I woke up early today and called my dads to catch them before they started their days. James had already taken his walk and was getting ready for Sunday School. My father Glenn was at Lowe’s, buying painting supplies to paint a bookshelf he made for my aunt. It doesn’t get more daddish than catching your dad at a hardware store.
I’m blessed to have had two dads since I was eight. The circumstances that led my mother to my stepfather were dicey because our families went to church together. The way I see things, Mom and Dad were never the right fit, though without their union, my sister Emily and I wouldn’t be here, so that’s the most important product of their marriage. There’s no need to get into the details of how all of that went down, as there was pain involved for many people, but now that my mom and dad are married to their true soulmates, I’m simply glad I get the benefit of four parents who love us like nobody’s business.
As far as dads go, I got the balance. With Dad, I got the father who taught me about honesty and integrity and sticking to your guns. He taught me how to drive and balance a checkbook. I’m not particularly good at either one of those things now, but I’m forever grateful for his patience in teaching me new things. Dad is unwavering in his beliefs, although I don’t always agree with them. We’ve learned how to navigate our difference by biting our tongues. Dad is better at it than I am at this point in my life. Dad is hardworking and loyal. He’s a great storyteller. He loves his family fiercely, and he is a kind and doting grandfather to our kids.
With James, I got the crazy creative who quit a job in Tyler because they wanted him to shave his beard and wear a tie (and because when he drew an ad for dairy and included the cow’s udder, it was considered obscene. Oh, Tyler!). James taught me how to look for hawks on telephone lines during road trips. He taught me about the power of the pencil, and how technology isn’t always the right answer. He helped me see racism and social issues in a different way, and in many ways, helped frame the political beliefs I hold dear.
The thing I love about stepparents is that they are not there to replace your parent unless you happen to be a person who needs that. I know a woman who refers to her stepchildren as “bonus kids” and I think that’s a great way to describe it. I have a father with whom I share DNA and a family genealogy that, lucky for me, my stepmother has painstakingly traced back generations. I am proud to be part of that heritage. I also have
a “bonus father” who has taught me about pushing boundaries, stopping to see beauty in something as simple as a bottle cap, and who has taught me a greater appreciation for art and literature.
I have several friends who lost their father in the past few years, and I can’t imagine the sense of loss they must feel today. I’m thankful that today, I have two fathers who love me. Though the two men couldn’t be more different in their personalities and ways of thinking, I’m thankful for the bonus of having them both in my life.
Happy Father’s Day to my two dads. I love you both.
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