In our house, we keep a running list of things my husband Tim can do. It’s a long and amusing list that includes migrant farming, walking on stilts, and catching flies with chopsticks (I’ve witnessed it myself – he puts Mr. Miyagi to shame). Tim’s list is so full and impressive that I’ve failed to consider how many things I’ve learned to do in my 45 years on earth.
I spent a few weeks doing admin work at the Beverly Hills Chamber of Commerce. I volunteered at a Turkish Community Center in Berlin. I spent a week in Southern Germany slinging beers in a small hotel pub. To lower my rent in college, I helped my landlord build cement columns for his fancy house. I broke more columns than I created, but to this day, I can drive by the house and see my handiwork, which my family thinks is hilarious and somewhat unbelievable.
On July 14, I added wedding officiant to my list of life’s jobs, and after the tremendous honor of marrying two of my dear friends, Mike and Brittny, I had such an amazing time being part of their wedding that I might consider doing others.
When Brittny texted me months ago to tell me she wanted to ask me something, I thought perhaps she might be inviting me to be the oldest bridesmaid on the planet. And I would have done that in a heartbeat because Brittny and I have a truly special friendship. Despite our age difference I think of her in a way as part little sister, part daughter and mostly a dear, dear friend.
“Mike and I would like you to officiate our wedding, ” Brittny said once we’d coordinated a phone date.
I worked with Mike and Brittny when they fell smack dab head over heels in love with each other. In the early stages, the timing was a bit off, and things were complicated. During the first year, I had hard conversations with both Mike and Brittny, but the one thing I knew based on my relationship with Tim is that if you put in the work and you have patience, the right relationships are long and everlasting. It took a few years of hard work and dedication for the relationship to get on the right set of legs. But man, their chemistry was undeniable and they were both willing to invest in the relationship, and anyone who knows them both knows how meant to be they truly are.
When they asked me to officiate their wedding, I was speechless, which happens extremely rarely, and I spent the next few months truly wondering if I was cut out for the job. The first thing I did was get ordained online, and now that I’m a member of the Clergy of the Universal Life Church – a distinction I share with Benedict Cumberbatch, Fran Drescher, and Conan O’Brien – you can feel free to drop me a line if you need a California-based wedding. Or funeral. I’ve got you!
The next thing I did was panic a little. I’ve battled public speaking fear for several years, so this was an opportunity to face the challenge and focus fully on making the bride and groom comfortable on their most important day. I took my fear to yoga, where in every class, I would set my intention of being stable and grounded. I did this for a few reasons, but primarily because when I’m anxious, I feel like a giant tree that when the wind blows even a bit, is going to topple straight to the ground. I consulted my friend Rasha, who once taught yoga.
“I can’t stand up without this weird sensation that I’m going to topple over,” I said.
“Bend your knees!” she said. “If you lock your knees, you will absolutely fall over.”
I spent months practicing standing tall with slightly bent knees. I also consulted a professional wedding officiant, Spike Gillespie, who also happens to be one of my favorite writers. I drove out to her ranch and got a crash course in weddings, with an added bonus of getting to watch Spike perform a beautiful wedding in her tiny chapel that afternoon.
By the time July 14 rolled around, my knees were less wobbly and I’d put in good work on the wedding ceremony. The work paid off – on the wedding day, I felt calm and confident and being inside the circle of love that surrounded Mike and Brittny was a moment I’ll never forget. Everybody felt at peace, and it was such a lovely thing.
Here’s a gorgeous video so you can see the stunning bride and handsome groom – lucky for all of us the videographer edited out Arndt dancing (though we had a hell of a time doing it). He also excluded some of my corny jokes, which makes me feel a little sad, but the truly important words are featured in this beautiful video – the vows that Mike and Brittny wrote for each other. I was so blessed to be there to support them with wobble-free legs.
Mike and Brittny, thank you for trusting me to stand with you on your wedding day. Here’s to a lifetime of happiness, love, and laughter.
How wonderful! Made my day.