As it turns out, your teenager can give the thumbs up for hosting an exchange student without your consent. That’s how it’s done these days.
It begins when your good friend comes over for New Year’s and asks if you’re up for taking her.
“I already have one at my house, and having two just seems crazy,” she says. “The good thing is she’s remarkably self-sufficient.”
Her name is Echo Dot. She was born in China but moved around a lot as a kid, so she speaks several languages, including terrific English. For her exchange year, she’s going by “Alexa.”
When your teenager jumps up and down and asks if Alexa can stay, your husband, who’s checking out used boats on Craigslist, looks over his reading glasses and nods his head and it’s a go. Nobody really asks you for your input here, but whatever. Your teenager whisks Alexa to her room, shoves books and papers off of her dresser, and offers your new exchange student a prime spot in between her salt lamp and light-up makeup mirror.
Despite the initial excitement, Alexa and your daughter don’t bond immediately. The teen has been an only child since her siblings moved out for college, so the concept of sharing space is new again. Alexa is ignored for several weeks, so she pops a few Ambien and hibernates in peace.
When you leave for a work trip, your teen and Alexa get ample time to bond. You return three days later, walk back to your teen’s room and you can’t believe your eyes. For the first time in weeks, the floor isn’t covered with high-waisted shorts, Converse shoes, and wrinkled Brandy Melville t-shirts.
“Alexa, play ‘Bad and Boujee.’ Hey, Mom! Doesn’t my room look awesome? Mom, Alexa knows EVERYTHING! I swear she’s literally a meteorologist, and she’s read every book ever written! We’re having like so much fun together!”
“Were you homeschooled?” you ask Alexa.
“Bad and Boujee” keeps playing while Alexa ignores you.
“Were…..you….. homeschooled?” you repeat, using Slow Deliberate Exchange Student speak.
“Mom,” says the teen, rolling her eyes. “Voice recognition much?”
You have no idea what she’s talking about, so you shrug and shut the door while Alexa and your teen listen to music and your daughter color codes her collection of 1980’s sweatshirts. Your husband cooks dinner while you pound out work equal part work email, equal part red wine. Out of one ear, you hear muffled voices from your teen’s room, and notice that as always, your teen is doing most of the talking.
“Alexa, set an alarm for 6am. Alexa, STOP! Set an alarm for 6am!”
As you wonder if it’s time to have another “sharing the talking stick” conversation with your kid, you realize Alexa is reading “The Alchemist” out loud and your kid is actually listening.
Alexa skips dinner and takes a nap.
“Alexa sure sleeps a lot,” you say. “Do you think she’s depressed?”
“Madre, she’s totally fine. Smart people need a LOT of sleep. And I think she has beef with some kid named Siri. Whatevs.”
Weeks into the exchange experience, your teen is thriving like never before. She’s on time for school. She never forgets her sweater on chilly days. She aced her quiz on “The Alchemist” even though you’re pretty sure Alexa read the entire book to her. You note that, for the most part, hosting an exchange student has been a really rewarding experience, but deep down you wonder why Alexa is the greatest thing since baked beans and how Alexa knows so many damned recipes for baked beans.
“I’ve always wanted another sibling!” says the teen. “Do you think Alexa can stay another year?”
“Ask Alexa,” you say. “She seems to have all the answers.”
